Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize