I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
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