You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
