i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize