Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
