brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Who wears a wallet chain?!
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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