Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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