he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
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