i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Randomize
