he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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