Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize
