hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
