he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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