I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
You know, be my cock's hype man.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize