do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
