I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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