Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
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