I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
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