you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Randomize
