He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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