you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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