she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Randomize