11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
