Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
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