did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
