im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Randomize
