ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Randomize
