I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize