there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
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