tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
