It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I can't put those talents on a resume
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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