She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
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