I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
just found out that she named her cat after me.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
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