Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Randomize
