I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
