Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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