You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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