the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
