i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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