he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
