Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
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