I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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