Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Randomize
