wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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