either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Its about making memories worth repressing
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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