This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
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