Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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