I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
