When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
and you fell through a lawn chair
Randomize
