A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
