Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
