I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
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