dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Randomize
