how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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