I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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