i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
