The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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