Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
