'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Randomize
