I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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