I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Randomize
