i just had sex bonerless
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
