Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
