Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Help me help you realize you are a moron
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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