I'm pants shitting drunk right now
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
