Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
