I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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