I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
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