I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
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