they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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