I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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