toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
