how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
