If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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