i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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