Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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