I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
