he thought i was a dude.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
