i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
